In 1908, Sherman Perlenowski was looking for a food the mentally disabled could eat without poking their eyes out with kitchen utensils. Working in a center for deviants, truants, and medically unstable children, he perfected Biglogs Cereal. During a sugar-fueled rush of enjoyment in the testing cafeteria, the children cornered Perlenowski and brutally murdered him. His legacy lives on! Once you are over 21 - or have a fake ID or drunks for parents - you can start the day with a Bloody Mary or a gin-and-tonic. Until then, you will have to make do with an eyelid-flickering, jaw-locking, teeth-grinding sugar buzz and an aftertaste like a pen just exploded in your mouth. We know what kids like and we give it to them. Take some modified corn starch, cover it in refined sugar and syrup, throw in some marshmallows, create a catchy jingle, invent a creepy, androgynous mascot and suddenly, you have got yourself a best-selling breakfast cereal. Studies have shown that Biglogs can lower cholesterol, improve eyesight, strengthen bones, reduce blood pressure, enlarge the pelvis, reduce the affects of autism and prevent sagging breasts in fat male children as part of a balanced diet. Studies have also shown that the way they achieve these results is by you making sure you don't eat them. Make your own choices, kids. A parent who tries to cheat your childhood with no-name brands, buy-in-bulk cereal or, even worse, a bowl of yogurt and fresh fruit does not love you. You have every right to resort to emotional blackmail or to stab dad with a fork. Every week, we re-package our cereals with a new promotional tie-in to a Vinewood movie franchise so you need to eat your Biglogs quickly if you want to get your hands on the next toy. Come on, a stoner can get through a box in about twenty minutes! Look out for our commercials during the Saturday morning cartoons and our products on the lower supermarket shelves. Ready for a gastrointestinal workout? Eat your way to diabetes and heart disease in record time with the sugar-coated goodness of Biglogs. It's nutrition, covered in sugar.		It's a 4-hour CGI epic! We are cashing in on the huge success of the fantasy movie, DragonBrain, with the limited-edition Dragon Rings cereal. Every box includes a sword-wielding elf, orc or dwarf. Try not to swallow them - they have been known to disembowel people upon exiting the system. Every 100th box has a chamber pot so you can poop inside and throw it out the window, just like the hero in DragonBrain! DragonBrain is now playing in theaters everywhere. The rough part of town just got its boogie back! Popping is the breakdance movie that is taking America by storm. Popping Cherries is a delicious breakfast cereal sowed with wild oats and pieces of red candy that, to keep things simple for marketing purposes, we will call 'fruit'. The flavor's going to move you! A full-motion action figure in every box! Teach yourself about dance and hot teen relations with anatomically correct action figures! Popping is now playing in theaters everywhere.